I want to encourage and uplift people, especially women. We have so many people telling us what we need to do and how we should act, what we should or shouldn’t eat, if we should wear yoga pants or go bare faced, etc. The last thing I want to do is add something else to make anyone feel inadequate when they are doing the very best they can with what they have. I want everyone to feel the warm fuzzies, but there comes a time when you have to hear the truth and that does mean your toes will be stepped on, more like trampled on and broken. But it's necessary for growth.
Let me start by re-introducing myself. My name is LaTasha Ledbetter and I am a certified Empowerment and Transformation life coach. I specifically work with women. I help women who are the backbones of their communities to heal within, as I encourage and inspire them through their challenges. I am the “go-to girl’s, go-to girl”.
Now back to toes being broken. Some of us have been following God for quite some time now. And if I can be honest some of us, myself included, have really been teeter-totter believers. (Yes I said it, and I’m talking about myself. Judging others is not my thing)
What is a teeter-totter believer? Well, you’re back and forth. You have one foot on the fence, one foot in front. Then you put both feet on the grass in front of the fence. Then you have one foot back on the fence. You’re hot for Jesus one day, giving up everything and following him. Then two weeks later…you are doing everything you were trying to give up.
I’m not trying to make you feel bad beloved. This is what I was doing. Going back and forth. And a lot of us do this, it’s not easy to walk the straight and narrow. Thank God for grace and mercy. But as someone I think of as a big sister in Christ pointed out, there comes a time when you have to grow up, leave the courtyard where grace and mercy reside, and enter the palace through obedience. OK that’s paraphrased, but that’s what I got out of it. I keep saying how much I love God and how good he is and how I’m so glad Jesus died for my sins (no really I am glad he died for my sins, cause if I had to do burnt offerings, that’s all I would be doing 24/7) but I wasn’t living it! It was lip service people. Yes I did love God, but I wasn’t going to church. I wasn’t praying, unless it was worried prayers about please send money to cover these bills that I can’t pay.
The way I was living my life was not saying I loved God. And I know, none of us are perfect. We ALL fall short, sometimes we fail miserably. That is why we have grace and I’m grateful for it. But as my big sister said, it’s time to grow up! It was time for me to stop giving excuses. God already knows I’m not perfect, but to get to the point where I had just stopped trying to do right was sad. What I was saying to God was that I didn’t trust him to deliver me from my sin and my strong holds. I was telling him that he wasn’t a priority in my life and that he was only good enough for me to acknowledge when I thought about it. I was not living a life honorable and pleasing to him, that’s for sure.
I was so lost in my sin. I found myself in a relationship that pulled me farther away from God. Wasn’t his fault. I had stopped going to church, so I left the door wide open for the enemy to come in and turn my life upside down and take me away from my destiny. I did things I thought I would never do, in fact I remember saying in the past “I would never do that”. Never say never ok? Just don’t!
What I have come to finally understand, is that obedience is better than sacrifice. In that relationship, had I been obedient, I would not be recovering from the things I am today. God will and is still using me but I could have experienced something different. I could be further along in my journey and not went through such heart ache and sacrifice that God didn’t intend for me to experience.
It’s time to grow up. God has expectations of us that we are more than capable of meeting, we just lean on being human a little too much. We are capable of making the time to spend with him in prayer, study, quiet time, etc. We really are capable of loving each other. It’s not about religion, it’s all about relationship. It’s time to make more of an effort to be obedient and to lean on God to break cycles of addiction, negative mindsets, lack, unholy behaviors, etc. We already know we will fall short. But you have to keep going, keep pushing, and keep striving. When you do fall, get back up. Surround yourself with other believers as “Iron sharpens Iron” as the bible tells us. It’s important to fellowship with others because we were not meant to do life alone. If anyone around you keeps you running back to your old ways, you will have to separate yourself from them. Pray for them, but you can’t go to places you used to go and do some of the things you used to do as a believer.
It’s time to grow up. It’s time to show up for God in our personal lives. It’s time to get off the fence and run towards Jesus.
I’m running, run with me.
I am going to be very transparent, open, and vulnerable. That goes against everything people tell you and the way you are raised. But I’m over with what you are “supposed” to do. Rebels don’t do that, we live life by our own rules. Leaders should also be transparent and share not only the highs but the lows. We are all human and no one is perfect. We are so afraid to make mistakes that we end up missing out on great opportunities. My mission in life is to help people, my calling at the moment is to help women heal, so I have to be transparent.
I have been struggling lately with self-doubt. Everyone does at some point. But this has been detrimental to me and my mission. To understand this, I need to give a background. So, I am a life coach and owner of Rebel Queen Coaching. I am new to coaching and as of November 2014, I completed my coaching certification program and I am now a Certified Professional Life Coach. But if you have just stumbled across post, you’re probably like, what the hell is a life coach and what is coaching?
Coaching is a co-creative relationship, meaning the coach and the client are equal. A coach is your thinking partner. Both of you together create more power for you to create meaningful change and take massive actions towards your goals in life. A coach listens to you and asks you certain questions to create shifts in your thinking. They hear what you are saying and hear what you are not saying. A coach is also your personal cheerleader, it’s all about you and what you want and a coach helps you achieve it.
Now, a brief background on how I got here. In 2012, I was at a crossroads in my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with myself, but I knew that what I was currently doing was not cutting it and something had to change. After working with a coach, I discovered that I wanted to become a coach so I could help other women what I had learned: That you can discover your calling in life and there is a way to do it!
But even to get to that point, I learned that there was a lot of work that had to be done on the inside. I had (and still have) so much to heal from. I then realized there are so many hurting people in this world that need what I have to offer. So I began the work to start healing. Most of what I needed to heal from was a negative mindset and self-limiting belief systems. I’ve always been a positive person, but there were still some negative thought patterns I didn’t even know I had. As I started to dig into these thought patterns, I then realized where they started.
I was verbally and emotionally abused as a child by my mother. My mother didn’t understand, and still doesn’t understand what effect it had on me. She thought she was helping me by picking at me constantly about my weight with hurtful words and comments. She had no idea that every word was like a bullet to my head. My self-esteem was shot down at every chance. I was told that I needed to lose weight so I could get and keep a boyfriend. What I heard was, “unless you look a certain way, no one will love you.” What I also heard was, “because you don’t look a certain way, I don’t love you and I’m very displeased with you.”
This lead to as I stated earlier, no self-esteem, poor self-worth, self-loathing, depression, confusion, looking for love in the wrong places, etc. I kept hearing that I wasn’t good enough because she found fault with everything I did from the way I looked to the way I kept my room.
Fast forward to 2015, I’m in my mid-thirties and I still struggle with these issues. I have started working even more on healing from these issues and the issues I have with my mother. I love her and as an adult, I do understand she is only human and not perfect. I understand she learned this behavior and passed it on to me. But I refuse to pass this cycle on any further. It stops with me. And I want to help other women overcome this as well. This is not talked about at all, not in my community or any communities of other women I know. Yet, many of us continue to struggle with these issues well into adulthood.
Now back to the issue I’m currently struggling with: self-doubt. I know that my calling is bigger than life. It’s bigger than me. Every day that I allow myself to stay hidden, I let someone down that needs me. Someone I haven’t even met yet. I am afraid, it’s so scary to share yourself with the world. There is always the fear of rejection. I am repeatedly rejected by someone in some area of my life. Then I start doubting my talents and gifts, like why do I think I can do this? Every time I get closer to success, I hear the words I was told early on in my life “when it gets hard, you’re just going to fail”. I was told this at 17. I’m 34 years old now and I still can hear this like it was yesterday. Doesn’t this sound like an example of how words can kill someone? I know this isn’t true, and that these were words projected on me because of my mother’s issues and fears. Even with knowing this, it still comes up.
No one seems to want to talk about being verbally abused, because most people think you are just being too sensitive. Those are the same people that also don’t understand depression as well. Most people don’t understand what it is like and don’t want to hear about it anyway. And that’s why no one is fully healing from it. I want to give women a safe place to get all of this out without judgment or ridicule. God knows she went through enough of that with her abuser. We can’t heal from the things we are not willing to face.
Healing starts by talking about it, even when it’s painful. It’s not easy for me to share this with the world. So I know it’s not easy for the other women that have suffered from it. But I am doing it for them. God has called them to do and be great things, but they are standing in their own way and have no idea. They have no idea that the low self-esteem, poor self-image, lack of self-love, etc. is causing their confusion and frustration. It’s causing them to stay stuck in bondage to jobs and careers they aren’t called to be in, relationships that don’t serve them, connected to people that aren’t good to them, loyal to people who don’t care about them. It keeps them away from the relationships that can build them up, careers that they would flourish in and actually thriving, not just merely surviving. I know this from experience, because it is my story. Once I was ready to learn how to deal with it, my teacher showed up. Now, I’m ready to share this with other women.
I still have to deal with these issues as they come up. But they don’t run my life anymore. I know when I’m standing in my own way, and I still work with my own coach. Healing is a 24/7 thing and it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not easy either. It takes work. And the result of that work is freedom. Freedom from the past, freedom from the words that have haunted you, freedom from what your abuser thinks, and freedom from what anyone else thinks or says to you.
When those words I heard at 17 come back, now I can say to them “You have no power over me. I can and will be a success”. They may come up, but I do not accept them as the truth. When self-doubt peeks its ugly head around the corner, I scream to myself: “GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Do you need to get out of your own way?
OMG, It's JUNE! Actually, June is almost over, we're in the last week of June 2014. We are more than halfway through the year and are you close to accomplishing the goals you set at the beginning of the year??? For those that can answer yes, a big applause goes to you!
For the rest of us (myself included), if the answer is no then don't fret. Don't beat yourself up, but get into ACTION!
Take one of your goals and commit to seeing it through. Make the decision that from this moment on, you are going to do whatever it takes to see it through.
Reach out to someone that you can trust and ask them to help you by providing accountability. It does help to have someone else hold you accountable and not allow you to continue to make excuses as to why you didn't do something you said you would do. It also helps when they remind you that you can do it and cheer you on.
Now that you have support in place to hold you accountable and cheer you on, let's get to work. Take small steps toward your goal. For example, if your goal was to loose 20 pounds this year, start with smaller goals or steps to work towards the big goal. Start with working out two days a week for 30 minutes. Once you get into that rhythm, gradually increase the number of days and the length of your workouts. Then set a goal to eat clean a certain number of days during the week, and then gradually increase that. This is just an example, but I want you to see how taking smaller steps will ultimately get you to your goal.
Whatever it is, you can do it. And when you feel like giving up, remember why you started. What is your why?
Last but not least, set deadlines!! Give yourself a date to have this goal accomplished. I will say in the case of my example above, I wouldn't set a deadline of 2 weeks to loose 20 pounds. Be realistic, as some things like weight loss take time.
Now get out there and accomplish those goals! I accomplished one of mine this week: To write my first blog post since last year! Now my next goal: to blog more consistently. What are your goals for the remainder of the year?
A great journaling exercise: spend 15 to 20 minutes reflecting on your goals. Why do you want what you want?
I hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving holiday and ate lots of good food! I had a wonderful time with my family and ate way too much!
Now that you are preparing for Christmas and shopping for presents for your loved ones, I wanted to talk to you about something that lots of women around the world are dealing with on a daily basis.
Most women would agree that they have no idea what they want to do with their lives or what they want to be. This was me not that long ago. I was totally unhappy in my life, especially my career. Ok, I hated my job! I was trying to force myself to be something and do something that was way out of alignment with who I really was.
On top of that, I really had no clue who I really was. I mean, I thought I knew. I would have told you I was a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, etc. But it wasn't until I started my journey to self-discovery that I really found out who I was and what I wanted in life!
Now I want to share the 4 steps to finding your purpose and living life by your design!
I recorded this video for you to watch that goes into each step of my program I have created.
The first step is to get clear on who you are at your core and what you really want out of life. It's impossible to discover your purpose of you don't know what lights you up inside or grinds your gears!
The second step is to identify and remove personal blocks. You would be surprised how your mindset affects every area of your life!
The third step is to take care of YOU. Self-care is NOT selfish. If you are not operating at 100%, how can you effectively take care of those around you or your other responsibilities?
The fourth and final step is to carve out time for those that matter most, and to add in some fun! Who in your inner circle is always there for you? Make time for her (or him) and let your hair down (or keep your two strand twists in for a couple of days if you have natural hair) for a while and relax!
Make sure to check out the video on how to sign up for your Woman on Purpose session today and get closer to discovering your purpose!
Until next time loves,
No matter how much people hate to admit it, most of us have a wounded child inside of us from our childhood. I know I do. I’ve been doing some major internal work to help heal this little girl inside of me. What we fail to realize is, that by the age of 6, we have formed our little personalities and formed certain “truths” about life. Most of the time these “truths” are actually lies.
For me, I formed the “truth” that I was not wanted and not important. This of course, was a lie. However, at the age of 5 or 6, one is not able to comprehend that our parents have not dealt with their own internal issues from childhood and pass along generational issues. At the time, this was my truth and affected other areas of my life. It affected how I saw myself, resulting in low self-esteem, poor self-image, and self-worth. It also affected my relationships with other people. I sought validation outside of myself in other people. I wanted to please everyone, often at my own expense. (And still do this to a degree, I work at correcting this daily) This meant that I was often mistreated by people and did nothing about it. So for a while, I had a victim mentality. In my mind and reality at the time everyone else was mean to me and I’ve done nothing to them, etc. etc.
I didn’t want other people to be mad at me and I cared about what others thought of me. I wanted everyone to like me. But I have come to realize that people will dislike you for no reason at all. Some people will hate you because of the way you smile or the sound of your voice.
It is extremely important to find that wounded child inside of you and work on healing him or her. For me, I refused to continue to pass along generational curses. I’ve accepted the fact that my parents are human and are not perfect at all. Good, because I’m no way near perfect! My mom’s actions or words at the time I was young may have said “I don’t want you”, “I don’t love you”, “you’re not important” but as an adult, I know she wasn’t saying that at all. She had her own insecurities she wasn’t even aware of. She was doing the best she knew how.
So how do you begin to heal that wounded child? First, I had to become aware that she was there. Along my journey to self-discovery, I became aware of her and that there was some anger and unresolved issues there. I did have to seek counseling (and if you are dealing with issues of physical or sexual abuse from childhood, I would recommend seeking counseling) and it was well worth it.
Once I was aware, I had to acknowledge her and I had to spend time with her. I wrote her letters from her adult self. Apologizing to her for what she endured. Then I spent some time telling her the truth and comforting her. I let her know how much she was wanted in life and how important she really was. I also let her know how loved she really was, and still is to this day.
I accepted my mom’s humanity (as I said above) and I accepted my own. I also accepted the fact that I was the co-creator of my experiences after becoming an adult. I accepted my part in being mistreated over and over again by people. This was in friendships and relationships and even dead end jobs.
Then of course, there is forgiveness, which I practice every day. Yes, I practice this every day, as there are situations that arise constantly that cause the need to forgive people. Hurting people hurt people. Forgiven people forgive people. I’m human of course, so forgiving is something I strive to work at and hope to come to it more quickly as I continue to grow.
Is it time to heal the wounded child inside of you?
Everyone experiences heartache of some sort along their journey in life. I’ve certainly had my share of them. One experience in particular is the case of my first love. I thought I was going to marry that man! But 9 short months later we were no longer a couple.
I was devastated. I had finally found the love of my life only to have my heart ripped out and thrown away.
I could spend an entire week on the rest of the dysfunctional relationships I’ve been co-creator of, since then, but I will spare you of that. I never fully healed from that relationship and carried him around in my heart. Meaning I was not 100 percent available for future relationships and neither were the men I was dating. They were emotionally unavailable and a small part of me was as well. Thus, I was the co-creator in the dysfunction that I eventually became used to.
Fast forward to my early thirties (which I am still in thank you) and 3 dysfunctional relationships later, I find my way back to my first love. As I was on my journey to self-discovery, I realized that I had never moved on from him. I hear people say all the time that they will always have a certain person in their heart. To me, and this is just my opinion, that is unfair. That was the problem I was encountering in other relationships. How can you build a solid foundation with someone great, when you have an old flame still in your heart?
So I decided he deserved another shot. It was wonderful…in the beginning; and ended before it really started. He was even more emotionally unavailable this time around due to some extremely difficult situations he was facing in his personal life. It hurt again, and at first I felt angry with myself for opening up this door again. But I had to realize this was an opportunity for growth and expansion on a personal level for me.
To move on from the pain of this situation, from the first break up years ago, to this break up this time around, I had to become AWARE. It took a while for me to get to this point, but once I did, it was the first step in my healing process. I am the co-creator of my experiences. You are also the co-creator of your experiences.
You can take responsibility for your part or you can blame everything on the other person. Now what does this mean you may ask? Deep down, I knew he was emotionally unavailable, just like with some of the other men I dated. On the sub-conscious level of my mind, I accepted it as normal. I did not stand up for myself or communicate my truth. I did not ask for what I wanted and accepted what I was given.
Once I became aware, then I was able to move on to building my self-worth. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing your value. When you know without a shadow of a doubt that you are worthy of love, you will not accept the trash that we tend to accept from the people we partner with in relationships. You stand up for yourself, you communicate your truth, you ask for what you want and you don’t accept less.
In order to fully let go of this situation and move on with an open heart full of love, I had to forgive. Not only just him, but I had to forgive myself. Holding on to anger and unforgiveness does nothing but harm you. Forgiving someone is a process, so patience plays a part. Show yourself compassion and mercy and stop beating yourself up. Look at this as an opprotunity to learn and grow.
There is tremendous freedom in healing from our past, as it allows us to live in the present moment and face the future optimistically. Perhaps all of the above sounds good and gives you warm fuzzies inside, but your situation is different? You know your worth and value, but you are still having a hard time moving forward? Then set up some time for a complimentary discovery session with me. Talk to th
You have the power to change your life. So you can set up a time to speak with me, or you can do nothing at all. Speaking with me, you may be able to learn some tips to implement to get you closer to moving on from that painful past to unlock a great future. Or, you can stay the same and let the past hold you hostage from creating the kind of life you were born to have. The choice is yours.
Until next time loves,
I’ve heard the saying: Once you hit bottom, you’ve got no other option but to go up. Sometimes, “up” seems impossible. Especially when gravity pulls you down as you are trying your hardest to pull yourself up.
In the mess of my life, somehow amongst the wreckage, I was finally able to find myself. My true authentic self. The one I was created by God to be, not what anyone else thought.
Three years ago, I was unemployed and miserable and living 500 miles away from family. I uprooted myself and my then 3 year old Chihuahua (my fur baby that I love dearly) to escape the “lay-off” crisis, only to eventually meet up with it in a foreign land. At the time, not many people knew I was also going through a foreclosure on the property I owned in another state.
During this time, I had no idea who I really was. I searched for validation outside of myself through material things, from people, most that were no good for me. Through my career, jobs that never satisfied me, where I worked tirelessly in only to suffer major burn out that I still have yet to recover from. And through accomplishments; graduating college, getting a job three months, and buying my first home at the age of 26. These were great accomplishments, but were never seen as such. These were all seen through my eyes, as failures.
College didn’t go as planned – I was too dumb for pharmacy school, so I settled for a biology degree. My first job after college, I HATED it. So I was able to switch industries. Outcome:I HATED IT EVEN MORE. Oh and buying a home? I lost my job the same day as my closing. There was never any enjoyment there, only anxiety and shame.
Back to the career thing…This was where I felt the most stuck in my life. I had “dreams” of climbing the corporate ladder. There was money to be made and I was going to make it, as soon as I could figure out where my niche was in the industry of course. Well, as soon as I could get a permanent job, since losing my job when I closed on my house caused me to have to go contract for almost 2 years. Then, as the years passed by, 7 years to be exact, and I’m still in entry level positions. I could never seem to climb up to even the next level. What the hell?! My peers that started when I did were freaking managers and Associate directors…who where they sleeping with? (Not my business!)
My life was a mess. I hated myself. I felt stupid and worthless. I even told myself that no man would ever love me because I ruined my credit with the foreclosure. I still carried around the shame of not making it to pharmacy school and having terrible grades. And, here I was, in a dead end career, couldn’t move up, only seemed to be stuck in the same entry level paper pushing positions, providing support to idiots. Man did I have sense of entitlement huh?! It was because deep down inside, I knew I could do better and be more. There was so much more to me than what I was currently doing.
Finally, I figured out something: I’m in the wrong industry! There was half the battle right there! But the next part came and I was totally left in the dark: What the heck do I do now? I had so many ideas floating around in my head. What I did know is that I wanted to help people. But I thought it had to be using my biology degree. I kept trying to talk myself into going back to school to retake some classes for pharmacy school. That was the one thing I had in my mind since 8th grade. (Tip: Don’t take career advice from a 13 year old or an 18 year old at that)
Last year a wise person told me, that by keeping myself in a box, I keep myself limited. I’m not free to move around unless I step outside the box. Step OUTSIDE the box! I’m a person that has to have freedom in every area of my life. But I didn’t find this out until I started down the path to self-discovery. I didn’t discover this alone though, because I had way too many ideas floating around about what I wanted to do. I decided that I wanted to be a business woman and work for myself. That I did know because this corporate America bullshit is not for me. (Sorry for my potty mouth, just being real!) I am about accountability, but I sure as hell don’t like having to show up to a place to work with people I don’t like doing work I can’t stand and then having to report what I did to other people who are just going to be upset that I am not a robot and can’t push paper fast enough. But I was not clear on what kind of business.
I thought, a cupcake boutique…had an awesome name (which is still in the back of my mind because the name is awesome and pays homage to my grandparents) and then I came up with an online boutique selling accessories and jewelry. And then I thought I should return to school and get masters in counseling and work with college students.
Then in May of this year, I started working with a Business Success Coach and a Productivity coach through group coaching. Working with a coach proved to be the best thing I have invested in…even better than my education. Yes, I just said that! I have learned more in the last 6 months than I ever did in my however many years it took to graduate college. I gained clarity on who I really was what I really desired for my life and finally, I was able to pin point HOW I wanted to help people and WHO I wanted to help. I was able to realize that all my life I’ve been coaching people, uplifting others, elevating them, inspiring them, and pushing them to do better. I was born to be a Life Transformation Coach! Now I’m on my way to building my business, learning how to run a business effectively and with a goal of leaving my corporate job within the next 10 months! I desire to have a mobile business, spending weeks or months in a different part of the country as I wish.
I’m no longer miserable, I no longer hate my job because I found a better one, but even with this one, I have better coping skills. I’m finally content with where I am in life now. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated at times, I’m still growing and learning daily. But it does mean that now I chose happiness more over sadness, I chose to be grateful more than complain and I chose to think more positively than negatively.
My past no longer has any power over me. There will be times we will all fail at something. Plans will fall through. Companies will dissolve and layoffs will happen. Life happens to all of us. So many people have lost homes to foreclosure; it was silly of me to think I was the only one going through it. But you’d be surprised at the number of judgmental people I’ve come across talking pure trash about people like me, not even knowing I am one of those that lost a home. People who have no idea what it’s like to lose a job and go to bringing home $320 a week while trying to pay a mortgage. People who had no idea what it’s like to have to decide if you pay the electric bill or the car note. People who have no idea what it’s like to stay up late at night scared that the repo man was coming for your car because you chose to pay the electricity bill. But those people no longer bother me. I only pray for them that they never go through those things. And I refuse to feel ashamed of what happened with my home. Our culture tells us that we should feel shame, guilt, failure, etc. with these kinds of things. But I'm a Rebel Queen, I don't listen to society!
From the ashes of the former self, the true authentic self can fully grow and develop into real beauty.
What past issues or events do you need true healing from? Are you in a transition of some sort and need help moving forward? Do you need help on your journey to self-discovery? If you stay where you are now, how will things change? (They won't, they will stay the same!) Click here to schedule a complimentary 30 minute discovery session to speak with me and let me know how I can support you.
Until next time loves,
2017 Rebel Queen Reloaded