I’ve heard the saying: Once you hit bottom, you’ve got no other option but to go up. Sometimes, “up” seems impossible. Especially when gravity pulls you down as you are trying your hardest to pull yourself up.
In the mess of my life, somehow amongst the wreckage, I was finally able to find myself. My true authentic self. The one I was created by God to be, not what anyone else thought.
Three years ago, I was unemployed and miserable and living 500 miles away from family. I uprooted myself and my then 3 year old Chihuahua (my fur baby that I love dearly) to escape the “lay-off” crisis, only to eventually meet up with it in a foreign land. At the time, not many people knew I was also going through a foreclosure on the property I owned in another state.
During this time, I had no idea who I really was. I searched for validation outside of myself through material things, from people, most that were no good for me. Through my career, jobs that never satisfied me, where I worked tirelessly in only to suffer major burn out that I still have yet to recover from. And through accomplishments; graduating college, getting a job three months, and buying my first home at the age of 26. These were great accomplishments, but were never seen as such. These were all seen through my eyes, as failures.
College didn’t go as planned – I was too dumb for pharmacy school, so I settled for a biology degree. My first job after college, I HATED it. So I was able to switch industries. Outcome:I HATED IT EVEN MORE. Oh and buying a home? I lost my job the same day as my closing. There was never any enjoyment there, only anxiety and shame.
Back to the career thing…This was where I felt the most stuck in my life. I had “dreams” of climbing the corporate ladder. There was money to be made and I was going to make it, as soon as I could figure out where my niche was in the industry of course. Well, as soon as I could get a permanent job, since losing my job when I closed on my house caused me to have to go contract for almost 2 years. Then, as the years passed by, 7 years to be exact, and I’m still in entry level positions. I could never seem to climb up to even the next level. What the hell?! My peers that started when I did were freaking managers and Associate directors…who where they sleeping with? (Not my business!)
My life was a mess. I hated myself. I felt stupid and worthless. I even told myself that no man would ever love me because I ruined my credit with the foreclosure. I still carried around the shame of not making it to pharmacy school and having terrible grades. And, here I was, in a dead end career, couldn’t move up, only seemed to be stuck in the same entry level paper pushing positions, providing support to idiots. Man did I have sense of entitlement huh?! It was because deep down inside, I knew I could do better and be more. There was so much more to me than what I was currently doing.
Finally, I figured out something: I’m in the wrong industry! There was half the battle right there! But the next part came and I was totally left in the dark: What the heck do I do now? I had so many ideas floating around in my head. What I did know is that I wanted to help people. But I thought it had to be using my biology degree. I kept trying to talk myself into going back to school to retake some classes for pharmacy school. That was the one thing I had in my mind since 8th grade. (Tip: Don’t take career advice from a 13 year old or an 18 year old at that)
Last year a wise person told me, that by keeping myself in a box, I keep myself limited. I’m not free to move around unless I step outside the box. Step OUTSIDE the box! I’m a person that has to have freedom in every area of my life. But I didn’t find this out until I started down the path to self-discovery. I didn’t discover this alone though, because I had way too many ideas floating around about what I wanted to do. I decided that I wanted to be a business woman and work for myself. That I did know because this corporate America bullshit is not for me. (Sorry for my potty mouth, just being real!) I am about accountability, but I sure as hell don’t like having to show up to a place to work with people I don’t like doing work I can’t stand and then having to report what I did to other people who are just going to be upset that I am not a robot and can’t push paper fast enough. But I was not clear on what kind of business.
I thought, a cupcake boutique…had an awesome name (which is still in the back of my mind because the name is awesome and pays homage to my grandparents) and then I came up with an online boutique selling accessories and jewelry. And then I thought I should return to school and get masters in counseling and work with college students.
Then in May of this year, I started working with a Business Success Coach and a Productivity coach through group coaching. Working with a coach proved to be the best thing I have invested in…even better than my education. Yes, I just said that! I have learned more in the last 6 months than I ever did in my however many years it took to graduate college. I gained clarity on who I really was what I really desired for my life and finally, I was able to pin point HOW I wanted to help people and WHO I wanted to help. I was able to realize that all my life I’ve been coaching people, uplifting others, elevating them, inspiring them, and pushing them to do better. I was born to be a Life Transformation Coach! Now I’m on my way to building my business, learning how to run a business effectively and with a goal of leaving my corporate job within the next 10 months! I desire to have a mobile business, spending weeks or months in a different part of the country as I wish.
I’m no longer miserable, I no longer hate my job because I found a better one, but even with this one, I have better coping skills. I’m finally content with where I am in life now. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated at times, I’m still growing and learning daily. But it does mean that now I chose happiness more over sadness, I chose to be grateful more than complain and I chose to think more positively than negatively.
My past no longer has any power over me. There will be times we will all fail at something. Plans will fall through. Companies will dissolve and layoffs will happen. Life happens to all of us. So many people have lost homes to foreclosure; it was silly of me to think I was the only one going through it. But you’d be surprised at the number of judgmental people I’ve come across talking pure trash about people like me, not even knowing I am one of those that lost a home. People who have no idea what it’s like to lose a job and go to bringing home $320 a week while trying to pay a mortgage. People who had no idea what it’s like to have to decide if you pay the electric bill or the car note. People who have no idea what it’s like to stay up late at night scared that the repo man was coming for your car because you chose to pay the electricity bill. But those people no longer bother me. I only pray for them that they never go through those things. And I refuse to feel ashamed of what happened with my home. Our culture tells us that we should feel shame, guilt, failure, etc. with these kinds of things. But I'm a Rebel Queen, I don't listen to society!
From the ashes of the former self, the true authentic self can fully grow and develop into real beauty.
What past issues or events do you need true healing from? Are you in a transition of some sort and need help moving forward? Do you need help on your journey to self-discovery? If you stay where you are now, how will things change? (They won't, they will stay the same!) Click here to schedule a complimentary 30 minute discovery session to speak with me and let me know how I can support you.
Until next time loves,
2017 Rebel Queen Reloaded